Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Say something about gay babies.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
