Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
