Just cropdusted the office
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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