I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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