I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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