At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize