Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
