i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my shit smells like andre
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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