Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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