i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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