Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
