I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
