sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Randomize
