You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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