I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
