the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
