your parents love me but you hate me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
