They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
