I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
