it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
