Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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