I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
