the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
