I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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