She's JV to your varsity
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
