so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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