i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
whose parrot is this?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
