We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize