A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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