My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
