All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
