can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
