this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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