bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
