We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
