This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize