Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
