a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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