OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
