Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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