Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
