i just google imaged poop.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so let's talk penis.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
