So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
