First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
