thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
