drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
