I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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