Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
