I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
