Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
