I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
