I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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