ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
