Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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