I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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