Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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