Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
