Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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