So drunk its hurt
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
