we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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