Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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