forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
