I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize