So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
