like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
