Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
