went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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