Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm too high and old for this...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
