And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
