sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
