Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
