I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Someone signed my nipple.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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