Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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