Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize