Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
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