we have officially lost it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
