I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
