Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
