I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
